Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
