She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
