The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
so let's talk penis.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Enjoy the penises
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
