Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
