i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
