apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
His hands were made for my vagina.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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