i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
