kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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