I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
