How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
