i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
