drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
