i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
