Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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