I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
