Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
