I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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