mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
