i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Randomize
