i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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