Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
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