That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
