new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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