I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
