We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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