he shaved USA in his pubs
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
