You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
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The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
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But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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