But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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