Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
