if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
