I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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