Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
