You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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