just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
