I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
