someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Randomize
