I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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