my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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