Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
