one two three fourrrrnication!
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
