I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
