they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
