even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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