so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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