My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
my liver is dry heaving
I am available for nakedness
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
