When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Dicks are not precious.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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