i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
