good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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