guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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