I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
