Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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