I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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