names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
should my penis look like a turkey
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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