Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
