An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
