Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
