Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
