I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
only if we run a train.
done.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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