I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
only if we run a train.
done.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
