She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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