I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
