We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
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They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
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I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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