Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
