oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
