i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
