Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
