When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
