went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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