you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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