Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
