As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I have feelings that need drinking.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize