i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
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I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
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Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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