dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
