I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
