EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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