Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
