Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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