then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
