I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Randomize
