Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
