OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
