and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize